Six to Five

Big Fishes' Carnival at The Lake - Six to Five

The hectic hall that we've stepped into - a place of reunion and farewell - didn't change the fact that we were always the noisiest group wherever we go. As the big, black board of blinking letters indicated that we were there early, an unanimous vote brought us to Starbucks coffee shop, a place found everywhere yet nowhere far from our hearts.


Everyone had anticipated this but me, so they were all ready to launch a barrage of coffee names to the counter, most which I didn't even know of, me being the only person not buying anything when we hung out like this. As we wait for our (their) orders to arrive, we looked for tables for six, then proceed to seat, me being on the edge of the table since I need to put my luggage. I was never one to start the conversation, so silence filled our table for a while. I knew that they were worried, but worrying was the last thing I needed them to do at that moment, so..

"How was choir yesterday, Serene?" I broke the ice.

Small talk, but that was enough activation energy for our exothermic conversation to become a time of sharing, laughing and caring. Honestly, these kind of moments are when I could finally found peace by listening to their, sometimes repetitive but never boring, stories, however small or significant it was. There was always the explosive Serene, the high-on-drugs Kate, the walking encyclopedia Steve. The unfunny joker Tom, and Jean. I was content with just being there listening to them moving from spouting nonsense to expressing their deepest desires.

"..must be a drop-out from that school.."

That phrase, one that was meant to be a joke among the sea of their voices, silenced them instead, the way I didn't want it to be. It kind of nudged me inside, but regardless I tried to act like it didn't bother me; sad to say that it actually did bother these oversensitive bunch. As I raised an eyebrow to act like I didn't know what happened, I saw them quickly glancing at each other, not knowing what to do or how to continue then that the awkwardness was already spoiling the mood.

"Don't mind it, guys," I tried to convince them that it was alright, that I've accepted it. Denial is futile, and the only thing to keep in mind to keep me going is that I was doing the right thing: the right thing for them. They had shown me, an introvert with low social skill and zero experience in romance, the outside world which is actually a place for everyone. I didn't have any grudge or regrets, so I just wanted everything to continue like normal. So I encouraged them, "let's have a good time here. After all, this is our.. last.."

Seeing their eyes comforts me. Seeing their eyes for the last time hurts.

If we held a contest of who could hold their tears longer, Serene would have lost big time. The usually sanguine and happy-go-lucky Kate would take the role of an older sister to Serene at this kind of time, stroking her hair before hugging her tight, while she tried and failed in hiding her own sadness. Tom would do similar things to me, just in a more masculine manner, going "now, don't say that" while messing with my hair. And while the air was getting heavier, Steve will still be trying to calm us down, mentioning that we were in a public place. And Jean, she grew silent, her long bangs dropped to cover her face while she intertwined her fingers and put her elbows on the table, lips sealed tight but shivering still, much like a lonely ponder.

Such atmosphere stayed for a while like a thorn to our hearts. When I noticed that time was almost up, I proceed to execute my last mission in United Kingdom, taking a pouch out of my luggage. It contained five objects, one for each of them, for them to keep dear to their hearts. I want them to know that by having these, they had already done one last favor from a scholar like me, who had his life hung around academic performance and attitude. I want them to know that although I won't be in the best place in the world - which is by their sides - I could still live and live on, without forgetting to remind them that they were, are and will always be my most precious treasure. I took out an MP3 player with an earpiece.

"Steve," I opened his hand and put the MP3 player on it, "This is for you. Remember when we listened to this together in class and get it confiscated? And was returned later in an unusable state? Well, I fixed it." Steve, mouth agape in disbelief, shifted his glance from me, the player, and back to me. I still remember how he taught me that music could be an escape, but it could be a courage to face our lives as well. To his expression I smiled, and continued, "it's not useless to be an electronic freak, after all."

The next item was a Starbucks Tumbler.

I gave it to Kate, who at that time, were still hugging Serene with that somewhat motherly expression. Despite being the one who usually invited the whole bunch to Starbucks, she was the only one that seems to never be able to finish her drink. I had asked about this once, and guess what she told me? "I can't actually drink coffee, but everyone likes Starbucks, so I always invite all of us just to meet each other." I had suggested for her to buy a Starbucks Tumbler to store the unfinished drink, but she always brush it off saying that it's not worth the money. As for giving the gift, there were no words needed, despite her being one of the more cheerful ones among us. She took it from my hand knowing there is no use in refusing.

Again I reached for the pouch, and a dartboard set was next.

"Serene, calm down, Serene," it was hard to give your present to a crying girl, especially when you were on the verge of tears as well. When she finally calmer I gave it to her, and she had that cute confused expression. "Well, this is probably not a good memento for a girl," and everyone agreed, but I need to continue. "Serene, you are the loudest among us: when you laugh, when you cry, when you have an idea. You were always the most expressive, but never have I seen your reaction to those that you don't really like. Sometimes it's okay to get angry, to temporarily resent someone. And when you do, just paste a picture on that dartboard and start throwing!" Well, I had figured out that she would need to release some of her anger at her ex-girlfriend (yes, ex-girlfriend, the world is big) before it turns to hate. She took a dart, shot it at me, and then grew silent as she mouthed 'thank you'. I then giggled because I was so glad that she was still expressive, more so because she missed.

There were two left. I intentionally avoided the thorns.

"Why does the chicken cross the road?" Tom responded to that and immediately realized that the book that I just took out was for him. "Seriously, Tom, it's so old it's not funny anymore." While we all agreed that it was not Tom if he wasn't lame, I'd like to make him more, well, himself. It was just a bold guess, but I think he was also an introvert like me, and to make people like him, he had to crack jokes. It wasn't well-done; thus the '1000 Jokes Everyone Will Laugh At" book was a perfect fit for him. He slammed the book to my chest - quite a fierce fella when angry - but otherwise still smiled at the present.

And for Jean was the wilted brown rose. Silence was enough for both of us.

"Argh, I'm late!" I cursed as I looked at my watch, which says that I still have half an hour before my schedule. "Guys, thanks for coming with me all the way here. See ya!" With a quick, planned-out motion, I stood up with luggage already in my hand, showing them my back as I waved at them. I didn't even dare to see their face for the last time, being a coward I always am. In my heart I apologized for giving back the flower that started it all.

It was awkward. It was wrenching. But at least, with this I didn't need to show them the tears that rolled down my cheeks as I sped up to my next destination.